BetterHelp Therapists Identify 10 Contradictory “Unwritten Rules” Women Navigate, Inspiring The Permission Project

SAN JOSE, Calif.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--Be ambitious, but stay likeable. Be yourself, but don’t be “too much.” Ask for help, but don’t be a burden.

"I think of therapy as the gym for my brain. You can absolutely show up and do the work on your own, but you’re way more effective when you’re with someone who knows what they’re doing. “

Share

Ahead of World Mental Health Day, BetterHelp, the world’s largest online therapy platform, is partnering with actor, activist and longtime mental health advocate Sophia Bush to launch The Permission Project, an initiative putting a name to the contradictory expectations women navigate and helping them recognize, question and rewrite the unwritten rules that may be shaping their lives.

“So many of us grow up absorbing these ideas about who we’re supposed to be - what success looks like, what a good life looks like, who we’re supposed to become - without ever really stopping to ask, which rules do I want to live by?” said Bush. “Therapy gives you a space to ask questions. To get curious about where the rules came from, who decided them, and which ones you actually want to keep, and which ones you’re ready to let go of.

When I asked BetterHelp how we could bring more of that kind of support to my Work in Progress community, they committed to providing up to 10,000 hours of free therapy for listeners. That conversation became The Permission Project. It feels really special to me because it’s ultimately about letting people decide what they want their lives to look like.

I think of therapy as the gym for my brain. You can absolutely show up and do the work on your own, but you’re way more effective when you’re with someone who knows what they’re doing. “

The Permission Project stems from a simple tension: women are over-advised and under-permissioned. Constantly told how to work, parent, partner, care for themselves and somehow do it all well, women are feeling the strain:

• Women’s mental health is moving in the wrong direction: 82% report anxiety symptoms and 83% depression symptoms, both up year over year; among women in their 30s, more than 8 in 10 worry excessively, 4 in 5 report low energy and 74% struggle to relax.¹
• Prioritizing their own health remains difficult: 63% of U.S. women struggle to prioritize their health, rising to 70% of millennial women.²
• Women continue to carry a disproportionate load at home: 57% of partnered women say they have the greatest responsibility for cleaning, 53% for childcare and 52% for caring for other adults, even as 36% are their household’s primary earner.³
• Even taking time for themselves can come with guilt: More than 1 in 5 Americans feel guilty taking time for themselves, with guilt highest among women and young adults.⁴

The 10 Unwritten Rules

BetterHelp worked with a multidisciplinary group of 15 of its licensed therapists across counseling, clinical social work, and marriage and family therapy to identify the most common recurring conflicting expectations they’ve seen women navigate throughout their personal and professional lives. Therapist input was gathered independently, synthesized around recurring themes and reviewed by BetterHelp’s Clinical team before being coded into shared language to identify the 10 Unwritten Rules women navigate in society. While these experiences may look different across women, they reflect many of the same tensions.*

The full list includes:

1. Be ambitious, but stay likeable.
2. Be yourself, but don’t be “too much.”
3. Ask for help, but don’t be a burden.
4. Set boundaries, but be flexible.
5. Take care of everyone else, but make your own needs easy.
6. Do it all, but keep it together.
7. Prioritize self-care, but only after everyone else is taken care of.
8. Succeed at work, but never at the expense of your personal life.
9. Speak your mind, but keep the peace.
10. Keep growing, but don’t start over.

The Rewrite Guide

Naming an unwritten rule is one thing; rewriting it is another. BetterHelp created a free, therapist-developed guide available to anyone, grounded primarily in narrative therapy, an approach that helps people separate themselves from the stories shaping their lives. Its four steps - Recognize. Question. Rewrite. Practice. - help women examine an unwritten rule and re-author it around their own values and lived experience.

“A rule like ‘be ambitious, but stay likeable’ can become so familiar you don’t realize it’s shaping your choices,” said BetterHelp therapist Sonni Williams, LPC, PMH-C. “Maybe you hold back an opinion or downplay an accomplishment. In narrative therapy, externalizing the rule helps separate it from who you are; it’s influencing you, not defining you. The Rewrite Guide then helps you work through it: Recognize where the rule shows up. Question where you learned it and what it’s costing you. Rewrite it - maybe, ‘I can pursue what matters to me without managing everyone’s perception of me.’ Then Practice that new belief which could look like sharing an idea you might normally keep to yourself or taking credit for something you’re proud of. That’s how an inherited rule can start to become a conscious choice.”

Investing in the Therapists Supporting Women’s Mental Health

As part of The Permission Project, BetterHelp is committing $100,000 to student loan relief for current BetterHelp therapists focused on women’s mental health and scholarships for aspiring therapists. The new funding brings BetterHelp’s Therapist Impact Fund commitment to $500,000 since its launch.**

The Permission Project builds on BetterHelp’s We Believe in Better campaign, helping women question the expectations that shape what “better” should look like - and define it for themselves.

To explore the 10 Unwritten Rules, access The Rewrite Guide, learn how Work in Progress listeners can access free therapy or apply for the Therapist Impact Fund, visit betterhelp.com/permission-project

Hear Sophia share the unwritten rules she’s carried, and rewritten, on Work in Progress.

*Methodology: The 10 Unwritten Rules were developed through a qualitative input process with 15 BetterHelp therapists representing multiple license types, including licensed professional counselors, licensed clinical social workers, and licensed marriage and family therapists. Through a therapist-only professional forum facilitated by a BetterHelp therapist ambassador, participants independently shared recurring expectations they have observed women navigating across their professional experience. Responses were synthesized around the themes that appeared most consistently. The final themes and language were reviewed by licensed clinicians on BetterHelp’s Clinical team to ensure they reflected the therapist's input. No individual therapy-session content, client records or client data were reviewed or used in developing the rules.

**The $100,000 commitment will fund 10 $10,000 awards: five Legacy Loan Relief awards for eligible current BetterHelp therapists focused on women’s mental health and five NextGen Scholarships for eligible undergraduate and graduate students pursuing careers as therapists with an interest in women’s mental health. Applications open October 8 at betterhelp.com/permission-project and close in early 2027. Full eligibility, selection criteria and program terms are available on the application site.

¹ Source: BetterHelp, 2026 State of Stigma. Anxiety symptoms among women increased 2 percentage points YoY; depression symptoms increased 3 percentage points YoY.

² Source: Hologic-Gallup, State of Women’s Health in the U.S., 2024; survey of 4,001 U.S. adult women.

³ Source: Deloitte, Women @ Work 2025: A Global Outlook; survey of 7,500 women across 15 countries. Among women living with a partner, 57% reported the greatest responsibility for cleaning, 53% for childcare and 52% for caring for other adults; 36% reported being the primary earner in their household.

⁴ Source: American Psychological Association/Harris Poll, 2025; survey of 1,076 U.S. adults.

About BetterHelp

Founded in 2013 to remove the traditional barriers to therapy and make mental health care more accessible, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. Guided by its mission to champion the well-being in all of us, BetterHelp offers convenient, tailored online therapy through its global network of more than 30,000 thoroughly vetted, licensed therapists. Available through both direct subscription and insurance, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plans, reaching more than 150 million contracted lives across the U.S., and has helped millions of people around the world access high-quality mental health care. https://www.betterhelp.com/online-therapy/